I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
