What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
