tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
