Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
