fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
