if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I looked at my own cervix.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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