I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
