tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
