We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
