He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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