I love black thongs
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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