She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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