so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
