Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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