I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
