is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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