I wish I could punch you in the face.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Life is so much better after having sex.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
