drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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