I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
