Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My liver just broke up with me...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
