I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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