i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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