why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
