11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
