God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
