Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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