He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
