Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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