I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
