I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
