I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I party with great urgency now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
