I will die if light touches me.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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