She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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