I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
