So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
