i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
