went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
