Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
