if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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