apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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