Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
