ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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