Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
