i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
