Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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