so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
