I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
