walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
