hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
smell my finger.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
