I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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