Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
