can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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