I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
