i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
