i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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